I’ve always been one of those people that has disregarded Valentine's Day. Mainly on account of its unnecessary propensity to force people to spend money needlessly. It also doesn’t seem like a particularly cool holiday to celebrate.
However, around this time a few years ago - gal-dem was hosting a storytelling event. Each time we’d hold space for one of these, there would be a different theme. While the theme for this one wasn’t specifically Valentine’s Day, it was most certainly love. About relationships and the many different forms they can take. These events always warmed my heart. I loved that people were able and willing to share in a really gorgeous environment.
I was enjoying sitting nestled in the back of the room, listening to everyone tell their story and have their moment. Proclaiming their love for friends, partners or multiple people. What I was not expecting - was for my partner to get up.
Something that I’ve always admired of my partner is the fact that she likes to linger in the memories and the moments that have brought her joy. I tend not to be someone who looks backwards, I’m often looking forwards. I’m also someone who struggles to be in the present, but that’s a story for another day.
My partner then began to tell a story about the time she was dragged along to an event by a mate. She thought it was going to be some sort of sexy lesbian club night, when really it was the second event gal-dem was hosting with the V&A. A bit more arty and a bit less sexy than she signed up for.
She recalled seeing someone for the first time, and being taken aback by her. I realised she was talking about me, and so did others in the room. They looked over to me and smiled. I shrugged it off, sheepishly. But secretly I was really enjoying it. There’s something that could feel quite cheesy about having someone stand up in that way. In a rom-com, that moment would be followed by a proposal. I’m also the most awkward person in the world - I would have assumed public gestures of love would make me want to shrivel up and die. But there was something really special about that moment. In being publicly claimed and acknowledged. Spoken about like that by someone you love.
It’s a moment I hadn’t thought about for a while, my partner telling her truth and our love story, until recently when I was thinking about love languages. I was reflecting on the way I show love and the way I want to be shown love. I realised there is part of me I have been denying, for fear of not seeming terribly cool. I realised I want to change, and embrace these kinds of acts of romance.
Of course Valentine’s Day can set up unrealistic expectations on what love should look and feel like. But I think there’s something special about acknowledging and taking time for a love that has deeply shaped who you are.
For those of you that have read Rosewater, you’ll know that without my love story - that love story wouldn’t have existed. It’s a book dedicated to my partner, and a book that she, as an actor, narrated the audio book for. It’s a book that doesn’t describe our love story yet is intrinsically tied to it. The central theme of Rosewater is about how two vastly different people can understand and find love with each other, even when life is painful and challenging. It is in many ways holding up a mirror to the most gorgeous parts of who we are, as well as the parts of ourselves that are more challenging to observe. As the paperback publication for Rosewater comes around, I’m starting to think that maybe I’ve always been a romantic. Maybe it was inevitable that I would find a partner who would get up in front of a room full of people, and tell the story about how we first met.
On this Valentine’s Day, I think it’s important to feel OK with acknowledging the cheesy love fuelled parts of ourselves. Not to be afraid to publicly stand up, write down, or just tell the people in our lives why they are special to us. It’s easy to forget to do. I try my best to tell my partner and the other great loves of my life, my friends and family, how much they mean to me. I think it’s OK to finally acknowledge that this is something I also enjoy receiving.
Happy Valentine’s Day.