Q: Tips for avoiding burnout?

Ask me anything

I recently wrote on here about developing a chronic pain condition. This was due to the insane amount of stress I was working under and the expectations I had on myself.

Unfortunately I have burnt out several times in ways which were pretty scary. I have spent the last three years trying to develop tools which will enable me to prevent that from happening again. I’ve radically changed the way that I work, but even still, I do get flare ups of my pain condition when there is stress.

I recently had a small panic attack to do with the stress of moving, but I don’t get them like I used to. There was a time when it was a really frequent occurrence so I’m proud and happy that is no longer the case. At their worst, I’d often be in a ball on the floor. Sometimes literally having to be spoon fed by my partner because the burnout and mental health anguish was so extreme. I meet people now, who I used to know then, and they comment that I seem present and like I’m really in the room. That I’m a lot lighter to be around.

All to say, I feel a little apprehensive to be offering tips as someone who has suffered with burnout at multiple points myself. However there are things I have learnt along the way.

A big part of it was freeing myself from the expectations others have on me. I think it’s a good girl complex. This desire to be all things to all people. Of course there was a part of it that was to do with workload, but it was also to do with the vast amount of pressure I was putting on myself. I’ve spoken before about how as Black women we are often required to be caregivers and mother to multiple people.

There’s an expectation to look after that is taught from society and learnt behaviour. That’s not to say there aren’t beautiful things to be taken from being a nurturer, I love those parts of myself, but you have to be mindful. It can get to the stage where it’s more than you can handle, or you can be offering it to other people and not yourself.

Also, swimming. These days if I don’t swim, I feel absolutely out of sorts. I’ve really developed a relationship with my body and well-being. It has massively been helped by hosting the Elle and Nike Why I… Move podcast. It’s all about how you feel in your body rather than how you look. And therefore finding physical activity which you actually enjoy and can sustain. Realising what my thing is and just doing it has been absolutely instrumental in just being happier and healthier. It’s as simple as that.

Re-prioritising and learning how to say no. Figuring out the difference between what I need to do to sustain myself financially, and what I am doing because I feel I should. I was lucky enough to step out of London and live in an environment that was more affordable for a long time. This enabled me to focus in on the projects I really wanted to do to nourish myself.

But, it’s not just to do with work! It’s about having quality time with people and places that you love. It’s very hard to be present when your mind is whizzing around. You want to be able to give people the best version of yourself.

In the past my partner was getting the most drained, exhausted and stressed out version of me. I’d be outwardly performing and that takes its toll on your body. Another thing I am very good at doing is masking how I’m feeling. Performing, showing up, smiling, saying you’re amazing even when you’re not.

So another thing is not performing.

I actually think the pandemic has done a lot to strip away our feeling that we have to perform all of the time. In Margate, you ask someone how they are and we’re all pretty honest. Whether that’s good, bad, ugly or somewhere in between. It’s quite freeing. I’m not saying you have to be vulnerable with everyone, just people that you feel safe with. However just freeing yourself up from that element of performance is important. Of course there are some moments where you have to smile and get on with work - that’s the reality of life. But where I don’t need to perform, I’m absolutely trying not to.

My body stores up the pain when I perform. When you’re doing it consistently and for so long, it doesn’t help in your relationships. I have some beautiful friends that do Somatic therapy, and they always encourage me just to feel and let it out. And I feel so much better, as an emotional person, not bottling it up.

Carving out time to be in nature has really helped me too. Whether that’s sitting in the garden or going for a walk. Nature always just feels so big. That was the really beautiful thing about living in Margate, being able to step out and look at the sea. Realising that you’re just a small part of this eco system. In the grand scheme of things, you’re just a tiny part of this beautiful place. I found that incredible grounding, sticking your toes in the sand and just really reflecting.

I’m also trying to be better at spending time on my own. I love people so could always fill my time with them. But then you run the risk of being continuously over stimulated. There’s so much value in finding peace, joy and love in your own company. This is an ongoing process for me!

I’m often really connected. If I’m not physically with people - I’m on my phone. I used to always feel like I had to get back to people straight away. But these days people might be waiting a while. And of course it’s fine. Everyone survives, everyone gets it, everyone understands. And if people don’t - that’s on them.

I used to be so out of touch with how I felt which is a really scary thing. Stepping into my first session of therapy, I couldn’t answer the question about what it was that I wanted. I think this led to me becoming so sick.

These are the things I’m really trying to focus on. I’ve had a couple years practise, and I’ll be continuing long into the future. I want to build a life and environment that works for me and makes me fulfilled. One in which I don’t burnout.